Hearing: Nada (sound not working)
Feeling: Alright.

Tiredness. Matt came over soon after I finished writing the earlier blog about my brother's eventful evening. We first went to a computer store because he had to return something and then decided to go out to lunch (at three pm) because neither of us had really eaten. His parents let him sleep in (no church for either of us today) and he'd woken up around one o'clock. Kreider's isn't too bad. The mint chocolate chip, Oreo, and fudge sundae thing we split afterwards was quite good as well.

After that we were over on Columbia anyway and so we decided to go to That Fish Place because he'd never been there. We spent awhile looking at all the animals (they have ferrets!) and he took my fascination with the fish in good humor. I had to be home at six for dinner, but in the meantime we went to the school parking lot to teach me how to drive his car.

No, I didn't hit anything.

I actually did better, thankyouverymuch. The car only stalled a few times and towards the end I could start it without the rattling, jerking, I'm-trying-to-imitate-one-of-those-cheap-motel-vibrating-beds feeling. He only screamed a few times when the stall was particularly bad. And I only tried to start it in second gear once. ; ) He said he'll let me drive it home when I am able to start it the first time without the car dying. We'll see how long that takes—six years is my best estimate. =P

I had fun doing that though, even if he insisted on showing off as we left. Oh, I didn't tell you this earlier—the highlight of my day was Matt stalling the car at a light going to lunch. hehe. He's not perfect. ; ) Just teasing, dear.

After we ate dinner at our respective houses, I went over there to watch Memento, a movie I thought I'd like. The things I'd heard about it suggested I would at least, but quite frankly I was disappointed. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it, but by the time the movie was over, I couldn't relate with any of the characters. That, I think, is the main reason I didn't like reading The Great Gatsby—I had no identifying characteristics with the persons involved. I was rather disappointed with the whole thing.

Tomorrow I have a job interview at six at a cd store and on Tuesday Matt and I'll be going out to dinner. We're not sure where to yet, but I think Red Lobster is a good idea. Yum, shrimp.

Well, I'm rather tired after staying up for the excitement last night, so I'll wish you all a wonderful evening. Devon, somebody loves you.

Sometimes
we forget the little things
the smiles, the happy voices
Sometimes
we don't notice when we're drifting
without a place to go
Sometimes
when you need a friend
you forget who to call
And sometimes
(but not enough times)
I forget to call you.

Oftentimes
we need somebody
to raise us a little higher
Oftentimes
I need a shoulder
or a hand to squeeze mine
Other times
when I remember your smile
your lopsided grin
I remember just why I love you.

Thank you, yah thirteen-year-old Southern punk. Somebody misses you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Another Day, Rent; Various Moulin Rouge songs.
Feeling: Fine.

Drunkards. Much to explain about yesterday. Ugh. Why are boys so stupid? I mean, honestly. If you are at a party with pot and alcohol (not just beer but hard liquor!) and you are underage, you should probably go home, right? Evidently my fifteen-year-old brother doesn't think for himself enough to realize that he could have called me or my parents and we would've been happy to come get him, even if it was midnight or one o'clock. That is a much better solution than staying there until the police come and find thirty kids in an empty building hiding in the attic with above illegal substances. Grrness.

So the phone rang at 1:35 or so last night (Matt left here around 12:45, maybe a little before) while I was getting ready for bed. For a moment I panicked, thinking it was Tom calling me after thinking I'd already called him. I picked it up as Dad did and heard an unfamiliar, very stern voice saying asking if my father was indeed Alan and if he could come pick up his son at a warehouse where he and his friends often skate. He said it would "be easier to explain the situation in person than on the phone." I assumed at this point that it was something worse than breaking curfew.

Mom came in minutes after Dad left to tell me about it, but I told her I'd heard it on the phone. We sat in my room waiting for 45 minutes till they came home and I sat on the futon on the landing listening while the other three sat at the kitchen table and Alex told Mom what had happened. He just has some judgment problems, really. He's not a kid who easily thinks for himself—Alex and I are quite opposites in that respect. I am not easily influenced to do things and he is overly impressionable. I believe it did start out innocently; he and a couple of friends had gone to the place to skate. He said then that a bunch of people started showing up, a couple of them with beer and pot. His other friends had their parents pick them up at that point, but Alex decided to stay because he thought he was going to spend the night with his friend Justin. Justin then informed him that they weren't going to his house, that they were going to spend the night there (partying all night in an empty building). He found this out around eight o'clock.

Later that night a police officer drove by the place and saw some kids outside a normally unoccupied building. Assuming a burglary was taking place, he stopped and went to check it out though he was unable to find anyone. They brought in a drug-sniffer dog and found about thirty kids up in the attic with a homemade bong, pot, and liquor. Alex and Justin were evidently the only two freshmen there by the end of the evening, the rest being upperclassmen.

Alex didn't smell like alcohol and I believe him when he says he wasn't drinking. However, he should have known better than to stay at a party like that—I told him after Mom and Dad finished talking with him that he could've called and I would have picked him up, no questions asked. "Oh, yeah, I know that now" is all he said. I mean really, I'm his sister not some sort of snitch.

So now he won't be able to go to the Jersey shore with another friend of his next weekend and he won't be having any sleep-overs for the rest of the school year. They've yet to decide how long he's grounded. Le sigh. It kills me that things like this happen to him; he is smarter than that.

That's the most exciting news from yesterday. SYZYGY was fun; I stayed for three or so hours helping out and collecting quotes for my newspaper article. The bands playing were better than I thought they'd be, especially the first one of all freshmen. I helped tie-dye shirts and ended up taking one home because the guy who'd requested I make his (after seeing one I'd made for someone else) decided he wanted to do one of his own. (Mine was evidently "too girly" or something. I'm sorry, but purple is what happens when blue and red mix! There really wasn't that much of it!)

Anyway, I have to get something to eat. Matt and I are doing something today, but I'm not sure what. He mentioned on Friday something about a car show but online just now said we'd "hang out." At a car show perhaps? Just my luck; I have to pick the one in love with one of the things I have next to no knowledge about. "Well gee, I like that color." Yeah, I'm brilliant. Have a wonderful day, guys.

ttfn. ( *

Hearing: Computer hum (remarkable given the volume of errors today)
Feeling: Nada.

Pursuer and Prey. Sometimes the chaser wants to be the chasee. Am I really so pushy that if I don't call/stop by Matt's house, he won't talk to me at all that day unless I happen to get online while he's talking to his California friends? Sure seems that way right now at least. Ah, well. I expect too much. Even if I don't see him each and every day, I'd like to at least get a phone call or an e-mail. Yeah, this makes him sound like he pays absolutely no attention to me and that isn't at all accurate. It does hurt me, though, that I'm not the one he runs to when he's unhappy or feeling overwhelmed. Le sigh.

I went and picked up job applications from two restaurants that are hiring in the area, Damon's and TGI Friday's. The former seems more like a place I'd like to work because of the way the staff greeted me when I came in as well as the fact that they seemed to enjoy working there. Friday's staff was, well, unhappy-looking and they were a little bit older even than the Damon's people (early college-age I'd say). Luckily survey says that I'm legally able to waitress in Pennsylvania at 18; hopefully I'll get an interview at Damon's as a hostess. The manager happened to be there and he asked if I had any previous waitressing experience (though I should've said yes because I have two parents and a brother), but since I only have customer service experience, he gave me the impression that I wouldn't get a waitressing job immediately. Being a hostess looks interesting though (and one of the six or so that were there—this was early on a Thursday night, why there were so many not yet occupied—told me it was fun).

The band festival wasn't bad today; we got an overall "excellent" rating though we are a far cry from my old band's quality. The positive part was that I missed two Romantic poetry presentations in Humanities as well as physics and Spanish. I got back to school in time for my sixth period study hall and statistics (where we had two minutes of instruction and then a study hall anyway). Tomorrow it will be more or less the same thing; I might be back for the last ten minutes of Spanish. We have an AP exam simulation for statistics and so that will ensure an easy stat class because we'll have done math already for a couple of hours.

Nichole had her job interview today at Supercuts; she called when I was talking to Tom to let me know that she got the job! I'm excited for her. She starts her training on Thursday. The funny part is how similar the way she got her first job was to mine. I worked at a salon much like that because I happened to come in on the right day to get my haircut and mentioned to the stylist that I had been looking for a job. They didn't have anyone helping them at the time and being so short-staffed, they gladly hired me. I knew Nichole would get the job; hopefully she'll have as good a time as I did working. Now all we need is for me to find some steady source of income. Mom and I agree that everyone in the house seems to spend more money in Lancaster than in Portland. You almost have to—the only things to do around here for entertainment cost money. There aren't really any nice parks for hiking or cool places to go downtown for the day. I also am spending more here since I pay for gas (I never had my license in PDX).

Well, it's about time for me to get offline. I apologize for being in a not-so-outstanding mood tonight, but between all of the computer errors (evidently it isn't a software problem ...) and my boredom, I've been irritable. Sweet dreams, guys, and I wish you all a wonderful Friday.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: What I Didn't Know, Athenaeum
Feeling: Le sigh.

Keyboards and typos and Awols, oh my! I think that computers are objects of the devil. They make up their own errors without any help from you and me. Grrness.

Anyway, last night I was up till 11:30 doing a project; that was the reason no entry was posted. Apologies for the few of you who noticed/cared. The presentation today went well though I think it might've been a bit short. Christina said she liked it and that it was fine since the poet we did was quite straightforward. We analyzed four or five of his poems and I did the biography and that took about half an hour. My bs evidently didn't sound like bs. That's reassuring.

My "E" key is fading on the keyboard. I just noticed that today when I sat down. Does this tell me anything important? Not really, just that I've been online waaay too much in the past. The "A" is also a bit on the faint side and the spacebar only seems to work for me without sticking. Oh, beloved "N" button! It's disappearing!

I failed to mention that I have been awarded a renewable $2,000 scholarship from Dad's company. I got the notification from the National Merit Scholarship Corporation on Monday; the forms saying I accept the offer went out today. Eight grand is certainly nothing to sniff at, especially at a school whose tuition is less than fifteen grand a year. In total I expect Penn State to cost around $20,000 a year since we won't qualify for FAFSA (government) money.

I'm just in a poor mood right now. I got an 89 on the physics test I took yesterday and I think a 92 on the last stat test. I thought I would've done better on the physics test and if it weren't for the phrasing of one question, I would have. Regardless, I still end up putting one of the problems on the board. I think there've been one (maybe) two tests this year where I haven't been asked to do one of the five our tests always have. Yes, it is a college prep class, not honors or AP. I've had my fill of AP sciences with biology last year. For some reason, I doubt any science teachers would be as understanding as Ivie was when it came to grading. Then again, no other teacher would have prepared me as well, either, to necessitate the lenient curves. Ah, well. I miss Maya and her French quotes.

Syzygy is this Saturday and I volunteered to get there around 10:30 so I can get my last NHS inside credit. I need to do my one outside activity and I haven't found anything I'm thrilled with yet—it might end up being the Special Olympics the day before Prom, but I'm not too thrilled about the idea of missing an entire day of classes on a weekend I surely won't have time/desire to catch up.

Well, I have to go walk Cascade and change my clothes. We're caulking the cardboard boat tonight for physics so we can have that dry by the time we need to waterproof it early next week. Hopefully that won't take too long and I'll be home at a reasonable time to spend an hour or two with Matt. He's always able to cheer me up, even if I'm not quite sure what's the matter. Best wishes for a wonderful evening, guys. Smile for me.

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you know you are while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
— Anonymous

ttfn. ( *

Hearing: Follow Me, Uncle Kracker
Feeling: Affectionate.

Beauty. I just got home from Matt's house; we watched American Beauty. Albeit a strange movie, the concepts weren't bad. Well, I wasn't a big fan of the pot or the relator wife, but I can see why they were necessary. Not something I'd buy for my personal collection though I can see why one might wish others to see it. Moulin Rouge was better. ^.^

School wasn't terrible though I admit to having much trouble getting up this morning (not to mention the near-impossible task of staying awake during poetry presentations in Humanities) because the sun wasn't shining. Grrness. There has been a 30º temperature drop in the past three days—talk about insane. I still have to squint when I go outside though because of the brightness of the clouds. Perhaps it'll rain; that'll certainly fit my mood. I love a clean downpour.

Tomorrow I have to meet with my physics group about our cardboard boat. I'm not too thrilled with the whole project simply because it is the fourth quarter of my senior year. Graduation is six weeks from today and I'm just done with schoolwork. Anything that can't be done in class (minus my own poetry presentation which we'll discuss in a minute) or during a study hall won't get done. Luckily I now have a study hall everyday and Humanities usually allows time/circumstances to finish any physics work. However, the poetry presentations are irritating. Jillian picked Heinrich Heine as our group's poet. That's fine for her, she's been in German for five years. Lydia and I, on the other hand, are in Spanish. For those of you unfamiliar with pig-latin, German and Spanish are nothing alike. So the only pages I can find about the man (aside from bibliography sites) are in German. Devon was helping me out, but I didn't find anything that gave me critical commentary on either of the poems I wanted to present. Actually, I couldn't find commentary on any of his poems on the internet as a whole. Where does that leave us? With much work to do tomorrow researching or some keen b.s. during Wednesday's presentation. Suggestions?

Unfortunately, since I did get home at 10:15, I must be off to take a recipe book to Matt's to get rebound for Mom as a surprise, take Cascade out, set up the coffee for my parents for tomorrow morning, and then get myself some sleep so that I don't let Flynn see me dozing during the Romantic poets in the morning. It's not that they're boring (even though they are), it's just a lack of sleep on my part. For some reason I don't think she'll accept that excuse ...

Sweet dreams, guys. Somebody loves you.

Tom, thank you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: The Space Between, Dave Matthews Band
Feeling: Euphoric.

Endings and Beginnings. Dad woke me up this morning mowing the lawn. He was proud of it, too—a whole hour before I had to get up for church. Grrness. I went today with Matt and his parents because Alex had a water polo game at 11 and there was no way anyone in my house could get up for 9 o'clock Mass. The homily wasn't overly lengthy, but the deacon speaking did reiterate the point over and over (and over and over). Afterwards we all went to Bob Evan's for breakfast/lunch (they had breakfast, I had lunch). I managed to get his parents to laugh at me because I am inept when it comes to cutting salad (somebody got it all over the table ... oops), but at least they weren't completely offended. ^.^

Matt's mother invited me along with them to visit the local community college open house (Matt will be going there to take some classes before he goes to an actual university) and then to the outlets, but I instead went to a movie with Tom because he didn't have to leave till later today to make it back for work tomorrow. We saw Blade II because he'd wanted to see it and I didn't mind going again. It wasn't nearly as good the second time, but I had fun. I certainly have been more comfortable this time than the last with him around and that certainly is a plus. After the movie we went to the grocery store because I wanted to pick up Italian Ice and then both went to fill up the gas tank. He had to leave around five to get home before eleven (though he really won't be there till midnight).

I stopped by Matt's on the way home and he came by for a bit before going home to eat dinner and then returning so we could take the movie we'd rented with Nichole back. We ended up getting another one to watch tomorrow (and I think we're also planning to go ice skating; we'll have to see about that one though). He gets off at four both Monday and Tuesday so at least we'll get to spend some time together during the week this time; last week his hours were terrible.

We went to his house and watched The Simpsons, Malcolm in the Middle, and The X Files (which has changed quite a bit since I last watched it ... I thought it was weak and rather stupid) with his parents. Since tonight is a school night, necessitating my disappearance momentarily, I had to get home early. Sweet dreams to you all and I'm glad that you're home safe and sound. Somebody thought about you today.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Hypnotize the Stars, Clay Walker
Feeling: Good.

Visitors. Today has been a rather ... interesting ... day to say the least. Tom came to visit and things felt more comfortable this time than the last. The ironic part was that he was uncertain and nervous around me this time instead of vice versa. We did get some things discussed which needed to be talked about and I think after that was when I started to feel better. He said it would "take some getting used to" but that he wasn't going anywhere and still wants to be my friend and such even though I'm not with him.

I actually had fun, none of that uncomfortable stuff. We went to the park and sat on a swing bench for a long time talking. Afterwards we came back to my house and I finally got to show him Moulin Rouge and he did like it—or so he claimed. ; ) We paused it for a long time and that is when things were sorted out. He stayed for dinner (and sheesh for a skinny boy does he eat a lot) and we spent some time together talking again before he more or less volunteered to leave so I could spend time with Matt. We hugged and I took him back to his car to get to the hotel. I am simply glad he's not given up on our friendship; he certainly has reasons enough to disappear without a backward glance. I value his input and require his opinion when figuring things out about myself. He's like a mirror, though a better reflection of myself and he definitely knows more about me than I do. One of my favorite people. That sums it up nicely.

Matt was happy to see me when I got there. I could tell he had been a little uncomfortable when he came to the door while Tom was here and I understand now why he did. He didn't think Tom was here because only my car was there. He felt bad for stopping by and understood when I didn't invite him in. (Actually, he said he felt at the time that I was ashamed of him because of the way I was acting, but that really isn't it—I knew that Tom didn't want to meet him and was doing my best to be fair to both.) Anyway, we talked for a while about it tonight and I do believe he's doing much better about sharing his feelings with me. Not perfect, mind you, but certainly better. He's trying now rather than giving up after one or two words. I feel guilty sometimes in pressing him and usually leave things alone; tonight I didn't feel like he wanted me to back off. "He can be taught!" (Genie from Aladdin, of course. Best Disney movie out there!)

Everyday I'm lovin' you more and more. Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing. Tellin' me to give you everything. Seasons may change, winter to spring, but I love you. Until the end of time.

Sweet dreams, guys, and thank you for everything. Devon, thank you for being safe. Tom, thanks for listening and being just so wonderful to me even though I change my mind more often than Cascade looks cute (and that's practically always). Matt, thank you for trusting me and smiling like you do. Best wishes for tomorrow, everyone. Somebody misses you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Pardon Me (Acoustic), Incubus
Feeling: Like myself.

Dating. Tom and I had our first argument today. It was about ambition and how, to put it bluntly, he doesn't seem to have any. He came here and gawked at my house and that made me uncomfortable. I've been raised that money is nice to have, but isn't the end-all be-all of life. I want to have enough to not have to worry about things. We all make different choices and some of his just indicated to me that he had little desire to be successful. Now he's out to prove me wrong. We'll see how that goes.

He's coming down for the weekend. Hopefully this visit will better than the last one ... I told Matt and he didn't say much. Mayhaps he's worried. He really shouldn't be, but it is only natural. I doubt I'll introduce them this time though; I know that I would resent it if I were Tom and thus I won't demand it of him.

The nice part is that Matt and I both have Friday off and so we'll get to do something. Nichole is still feeling sick (mono test hasn't come back yet), but she did well today with her sisters. We all went to Long's Park to feed the ducks and then I took them to get fast food.

Frustration; time for bed. Sweet dreams, guys. Somebody loves you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Crawling in the Dark, Hoobastank
Feeling: Good.

Randomness. I got home last night at five to one. Matt and I watched most of Young Frankenstein (a movie you all should see because it's just that funny) before I had to get home. Mother objected at first to me going there because "it's so late" (aka 11:00), but Dad is a "softie" and let me go. It's not like he lives far away ... six houses maybe. 'sides, I drove anyway because I didn't want to walk home in my slippers.

I haven't written for awhile how much I appreciate being with friends. (I haven't written much lately, but that's beside the point.) Yesterday after the NHS road cleanup project I did, Jeff (Wolverine-guy) and I went to Friendly's for lunch (at 3 pm) and ice cream. I had fun simply doing something with someone new. (Side note: he has a girlfriend now. Coolness.) Mom and I have discussed the differences between Lancaster and Portland and one of them is quite interesting. For some reason, we were content to just be home and not really do lots of things with people in PDX. However, here I feel continually bored if I don't go out or do something each day. Interesting, isn't it? On Friday I went out driving for a bit, went to visit Matt at work. I enjoy driving with no particular destination in mind. You'd be amazed at what you'll find and where you'll end up. There's a new park I found and want to visit sometime—they have a playground set. I love to swing.

It looks like my ramblings must be cut short (irritation). Dad needs the second line to get some memos from work and such. Just when I was settling into my comfortable stage. Nichole needs a blog. I told her that I'd help her make one because she said she was having trouble with the setting up part ... I'll have to bring her over here (she claims my dialup connection is faster than hers) and get everything settled. Not that I know much about how blogger works, but I can change some minor things on the template and certainly make posts. Yes. I'm a genius. ; )

I'll see if I can't post tonight. We have our last show of Carmina this afternoon (they added a Sunday show because the tickets sold too quickly for the other four—this one sold out in something like four days) and afterwards the cast party. I'm not sure how long I'll stay there; neither Nichole nor Matt can go and they're going to see the show today. I hope things go better than they did last night, it was rather sloppy for the Broadway section and there were four or five instances of sound feedback. We can't figure that one out—everything has been fine for the previous performances.

Anyway, I must be off. The whole three of you who read this regularly are ordered to have a wonderful day. I have something like 30 school days left in the year and only one AP exam. Life is looking up.

ttfn. ( *

Hearing: Fall, D.T.U.
Feeling: Brightened.

Rainy nights. I love walks in the rain even if they're moderately brief. Especially when beforehand I was feeling more or less moody and unhappy. I suppose that's what happens when you do little else but eat junk food and sit around for a week. Stupid orchestra.

I picked up my repaired flute today; evidently it was a faster fix that I thought and only took one day for them to get done. That means I have it for both band and rehearsal tomorrow (much better than using my crap marching flute). Afterwards Mom and I went to the grocery store where I got some licorice for Matt because we finished it yesterday while watching Blade. His mother was so cute when I dropped it off while he was at work. Evidently she's worried about her son when I go off to school, that he'll be "crushed." I really don't think we'll have to worry about that; we both have fun together and get along well. He doesn't seem like the one to demand unreasonable things from people.

Aww, somebody just came to my door with sherbet and Twizzlers. Just like the lemon Italian Ice. How cute. I am going to get to bed now that the sherbet is gone. Sweet dreams, guys. Somebody loves you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Pardon Me (Acoustic), Incubus
Feeling: Cute.

Fair trades. Eeyore for a turtle. Yes, I rather think so. ; ) Anyway, today is Monday and, gasp, I did not have orchestra tonight. Nor do I have it tomorrow. How exciting. Liz said we had something like 27 hours of rehearsal in four days ... a quarter of our time spent in the PAC which doesn't even include the time we spend in the school building during a normal day. I'm glad hell week is over; we only have one rehearsal this week, Wednesday, and though it'll be long, I am actually looking forward to it. I didn't have much fun in the earlier rehearsals, but since we started going through the show without stopping for long, I enjoyed it much more.

I mentioned someone who gave me a letter professing their love and adoration of me, yes? (If only I was kidding ... ) He is in a study hall of mine as well as my Spanish class. I was making up a physics lab for most of the study hall (yes, I did choose to do it today for a reason, as bad as that may sound) and so I didn't really have to talk to him till the end of the period. "So, Justine, I can tell that you read my letter. You didn't say hello to me or anything today." Yeah, I admit to making up some excuse about being tired and such today, but the truth was that I just ... didn't know what to say. He was quite nice about it: "I just had to let you know, Justine," and then something to the effect of him knowing that I don't feel the same way. However, I predict a certain awkwardness for a while. Ah, well. It could be worse. Most definitely.

Matt and I went to Menchey after school today to see about getting my flute repaired by Friday. It'll cost an extra ten dollars (minimum—it's really a percentage of the price), but they promised it'd be done by five. Afterwards we went to Kreider's for some ice cream (boyfriends make you fat ... ) and then eventually back to his house after driving through East Pete for a bit. We watched King of the Hill and The Simpsons before eating dinner and then watching the end of Blade (we watched most of it last night because I wanted to see it again after seeing the second one and not remembering much of it). My mother's spaghetti sauce is better. ; )

I came home earlier tonight because I didn't want to be exactly on time every night I was out with him and I also wanted to see if Devon and Tom would be online. Devon was for a bit, but he's exhausted, and Tom is in bed already because he's going to some sort of training or meeting tomorrow and has to get up extremely early. Frustration. Tuna was online and Jenner and I plotted out our strategy for marrying him and then there being an "accident" where we'd both end up with quite a generous sum of insurance money. How tragic.

Anyway, I have to get to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone, and don't ever forget that somebody misses you. I only want to be safe in your arms.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: How You Remind Me, Nickelback
Feeling: Sleepy.

Watches. Of course I can't figure out just why I'm tired because I did sleep an obscene amount, eleven hours. I got my prom dress on Saturday; Nichole, Matt, and I drove down to King of Prussia. It's pretty—a peachy color that in some lights looks orange and others more pink. It has sparkles, small golden ones, and a corset-style back. I like it much.

Grrness. I got a letter, which I'll try and post tomorrow (was handwritten), about someone "loving" me—a person I didn't even know liked me. When it rains, it pours. I'm not interested in this person at all and have no idea where he got the love idea from ... the only time I've seen him outside of class is once when I drove him to tutoring. That's it. You can't possibly love someone after contact like that.

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired. Sweet dreams, guys, and remember that somebody loves you.

( * goodnight ( *

Hearing: Santeria, Sublime
Feeling: Tired.

Metal Chairs. My arse hurts from sitting on the stupid metal chairs they have for the orchestra. I sat there from 5:30-10:40 tonight minus twenty minutes or so when Jeff (Mr. Wolverine) and I went to Weis to get him some dinner.

We have our assemblies for the school tomorrow so I get to miss a couple periods of class (yay). I do need to get some sleep though. Apologies, m'dears. I know you so very much wanted to hear about my day. Just don't ask about spilling the cup of Nerds on the carpet during a Broadway number. Poor Carlissa ... there'll be candy stuck in that carpet for years I expect.

Anyway, I need to take Cascade out, change, and get to bed. Sweet dreams, guys. Somebody misses you.

( * goodnight ( *

Yes, I realize I don't usually post things like this, but this forwarded e-mail was simply worth it. Those Oregon readers may understand and everyone else can learn a thing or two about the Great Northwest. ^.^

You might be from the Northwest if you:

Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
Use the expression "sun break" and know what it means.
Know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.
Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Coffee People.
Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette.
Consider swimming an indoor sport.
Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
In winter, go to work in the dark and come home in the dark-while only working eight-hour days.
Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
Are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."
You can't wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."
Have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
Can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can't see through the cloud cover.
Say "the mountain is out" when it's a pretty day and you can actually see it.
Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
Switch to your sandals when it gets above 60, but keep the socks on.
Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
Knew immediately that the view out Frasier's window was fake.
Buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.

You know you live in Oregon when....

Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
You use a down comforter in the summer.
Your grandparents drive 65 mph through 2 feet of water during a raging rainstorm without flinching.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major food groups as elk meat, beer, fish, and berries.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the BiMart store at any given time.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
Driving is better in the winter because almost everybody stays home.
You know all the important seasons: Almost winter, Winter, Still raining, Road construction, Deer season, and Elk season.
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends in Oregon or those who used to live here.

Hearing: Stellar, Incubus
Feeling: Drifting.

Monologue. Sure, it's nice that both Matt and Tom have jobs now. Neither has to worry overmuch about income, searching the couch for change, begging money from family, etc., but I do wish the work hours were different. Carmina has been sold out for Saturday's show and I'm not sure that Matt knows that yet (actually I'm quite certain he doesn't because Nichole didn't call him last night to talk to him about when he could go see the musical). If I don't have to be there terribly early on Saturday, Nichole, Matt, and I might go down to King of Prussia because he wanted to go to Banana Republic and I need a prom dress. If not, we'll all go see a movie or something. I need some time to relax and such; the musical rehearsal stuff until eleven at night needs to stop now. I'm exhausted, but hey, I did something good—no lines on my face from my sweatshirt today when I fell asleep in study hall. ; ) I can tell you're all just so very proud of me, aren't you?

I have about an hour to kill before I'll end up alternatively pulling on clothes and eating at a frantic pace. Ugh. The first couple of hours aren't ever bad; last night they went pretty quickly. The last two or so are terrible—I feel like a wilting flower.

Anyway, now that I've neglected this post to read message boards, catch up on other blogs, and eat dinner, I'm going to get changed and find some new cds to put in the car. Mom said it'd be fine if the three of us went to Philly on Saturday, but that we'd have to leave around 9:30 so that we have enough time if I'm to find a dress. That sounds promising; hopefully Friday's performance will go extremely well so that we don't have to be there till an hour before showtime. Cross your fingers.

It is doubtful that I'll be posting tonight after rehearsal; usually I get online to check my mail and talk for ten minutes before getting to bed. Sweet dreams to you all if I don't talk to you.

ttfn. ( *

Hearing: This is Not an Exit, Saves the Day
Feeling: Better.

Ranting. I was not in a good mood this morning. When you get a little more than two hours of sleep and have a night like I did, no one could fault me for not being thrilled. Laura was the unfortunate victim (I say unfortunate loosely because she did need to be talked to anyway) of my rant this morning before class started.

Friends of mine don't lie. I'm not trying to change her. Nichole reported that Laura was "pissed" because I am evidently trying to change her. No, that's not it. I really don't think I ask too much of my friends (well, except for Tom, but that's another story altogether). I like smiles in the morning in the hallway, perhaps they could invite me somewhere occasionally, but mostly I expect them to be h-o-n-e-s-t with me. I apologize for coming off as "judgmental" (which is why she lied to me in the first place evidently), but that is simply not the case here. I don't care what you do with your boyfriend on your own time! It's none of my business. However, I do care that you lied to me about it ... you had no reason whatsoever to do so. You even set it up beforehand because Romaine agreed to pick you up at two in the afternoon. That is unacceptable. I can reiterate one more time, I'm not trying to change you—I don't want to have a friend that I have to constantly wonder if she is being honest with me.

I see Laura doing the same things that I did two or three years ago, exactly the same. Continually lying being the top one. I worked hard for a very long time to get out of that habit and now that I know it can be done, I'd appreciate her to not lie to me. If you can't trust me to be nonjudgmental when it comes to what you do in your personal life, why am I even a friend of yours? I realize you needed someone to go downtown with you that afternoon so that you could see Romaine. That's fine, but in exchange for that "favor," I need upfront reasoning. People are much more willing to help if they know what they're getting into.

Sure, I could right now go e-mail or call her parents. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know what their little baby girl spent her Saturday night doing a couple of weeks ago. I'm not going to because it really isn't that important to me. Doing so would ruin whatever friendship we have at this juncture. What am I going to do? I'm going to wait patiently, let her figure out how she can justify something like that to someone who she claims is her "twin," and whenever she's ready we can talk about it. Yes. Sounds like a plan.

Off to eat dinner and then to orchestra. Longer rehearsal tonight, 5:15-10:45 (as if we don't already spend enough time at school). Thank you for being patient with me. Tom, thanks for talking with me last night; I'm glad we got things figured out. A thank you to Matt for walking with me. Ooh, food's ready.

ttfn. ( *

Hearing: One Song Glory, Rent
Feeling: Inadequate.

Thin envelopes. My day was pretty good in the beginning. Matt and I went out to lunch and the bookstore and most of orchestra wasn't bad. Carlissa and I went to Weis (grocery store) during our break and brought all kinds of the "good-for-you" foods like Oreos, tortilla chips, and Code Red Mountain Dew.

I got a denial letter from Northwestern. I'm going to go for a short walk and then to bed. Perhaps I'll find some time to write tomorrow in-between tutoring (right after school) and orchestra ... when I'll be home for 45 minutes where I'll eat and then get back sometime after eleven. Great. Sweet dreams everybody.

( * goodnight ( *